Star Corp.
Profit at Any Cost.
These are the continuing adventures of the jerks that occupy the universe of Star Corp. Everyone is a dick and humanity would be evil if it wasn't just so stupidly greedy.
Congratulations, the future sucks just as much as the present.
*Author's note: Also, due to the way that tumblr works, the newest posts will appear at the top of the page. Scroll down to the very bottom to read from the beginning.*
Synthetic Company Employee Report and Recommendation on Risalti Species
Synthetic Personnel ‘Copyright Lawyer-Class’ Report on Recent Dealings with the Tasteless and Barbaric Risalti Peoples
Objective: Provide Rebuttal and Response to Risalti God-King’s Trade Proposition with Extreme Prejudice.
Log Start:
As ordered, personal visage was set so that I appeared as a middle aged human man with glasses wearing an expensive but rather conservative suit and tie. Left ship via Tool-board, arrived at planet surface precisely six hours later. Descended through atmosphere without incident after disengaging and storing my Tool. Made shock entry in primary capital city. Tactically landed with primary security station, Imperial Palace and Teleworks Science Facility roughly in a line. Created a frightful scene to stir up panic and ascertain defensive capabilities by immediately processing all tactical decision via advanced hand-to-hand combat protocol. Risalti are over two meters tall and certainly more robust than the average human being. Risalti resemble the now extinct gorilla, and are capable of similar feats of strength. This was not a problem. Until encountering armored platoon, efficiency was at maximum. Armored platoon had set up a crude ambush. A tank fired once, but this was intercepted with primary shield unit. Tank dispatched immediately using hand to hand combat methods, and a nearby building. Battalion infantry assaulted in mass. I acquired one of their rifles and engaged the remainder of the battalion with melee and gunnery routines. Efficiency reduced to 99.9999992 percent on account of power loss due to shield use. Acquired precise location of all planetary security facilities. Engaged Tool-board and spritzed chemical agent and sensor highlight across security station as I passed over. Made several passes before proceeding to palace. 1000 meters above the palace I disengaged and stored my Tool and came through the ceiling. Was immediately beset by royal guard. Engaged melee weapon system and attacked. Royal guard was dispatched with no further detriments towards unit and operation efficiency, some guardsmen even deserting posts in fear. Travelled through the wall into royal hall where the Risalti God-King was located. Informed Risalti leadership of our dissatisfaction with their behavior concerning our trade and licensing agreements. I deposited the God-King’s remains as far in direction of the planet’s rising star as far as was possible with one arm and a standing position through the sacred bejeweled window depicting that race’s insurrection and victory against a previous invader completely as instructed to do. Left through the open window to go to the Teleworks Science Facility via Tool-board. Arrived at science facility, disengaged and stored the Tool-board and proceeded to the nearest interfacing-capable data-port. Successfully interfaced with Risalti computer networks and obtained all information currently available on those networks as well as advanced information only found at the Teleworks Science Facility. Using the running protocol, processed infiltration of the most volatile part of the complex, the primary power generator. Jury rigged the farewell present to the fusion reactor and then left the planet via Tool-board as no space capable craft were available for inquiry or purchase.
Arrived back at ship precisely five hours and twenty-two minutes after leaving Risalti. Farewell Present detonated with an efficiency rating of one hundred percent.
Overall mission success was 99.9999992 percent.
Total time spent on planet surface was four minutes and forty eight seconds.
Risalti are no longer capable of defending themselves from planetary bombardment, and over 1/4th of the planet is now uninhabitable. All teleportation technologies have been destroyed and the information from such experiments is now safely in our computer systems and laboratories.
Recommend complete sterilization and enslavement of Risalti people, followed by planetary reaping and harvest procedures as soon as convenient.
Corporate Memorandum - New Hologram Policy
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
NEW PROTOCOL CONCERNING HOLOGRAM USE
Holograms are a wonderful technology with many practical uses for entertainment and education. That being said, a inordinate number of personnel have been found using the hologram synthesis technology onboard company starships to create and live out sexual fantasies, including but by no means limited to: incest, bestiality, rape, gang rape, bondage, observation and participation is slash pornography, pedophilia, necrophilia, and several paraphilia previously unknown to social science et alia ad nauseam. While it is by no means anyone’s place to restrict another’s sex life, the overuse has taxed energy systems across the fleet. As a result, effective immediately, a nominal surcharge will be subtracted from the primary user’s account for all recreations of sexual fantasies. This applies to what may be considered softcore nudity and pornographic materials as well as hardcore due to the apparently overwhelming urge by many to wallpaper such material in their living quarters. Synthetic personnel engaging in sexually related programs for the purposes of education shall incur no fee on their owners’ accounts.
In addition, due to the overwhelming creation of scenes in which employees execute, murder, immolate, mutilate and/or otherwise destroy their superiors, such requests will now be denied. All previous requests for such scenes have been submitted for psychiatric review.
Please also note that the creation of any holographic content is owned by the company which will continue to exercise full ownership and control of all such materials.
Life on LUBRADOR - A Land of Luxury
Greetings potential Antarus Prime Company colonist and employee,
Allow me to tell you about a wonderful new colony opening in the outer rim: LUBRADOR!
LUBRADOR has amble resources for all your wildest ambitions and dreams! Construction has already been completed on ten Lexoline Communities providing a world of opportunities from your arrival to your exit. Recently obtained by the Antarus Prime Company through a series of shrewd negotiations with the former owners*, LUBRADOR awaits the brightest young colonists ready for a chance at wealth, fame and adventure!
LUBRADOR has exciting alien artifacts ready for study and unique local life to be exploited for work and feeding purposes as well as recently discovered proteins perfect for those interested in the fields of biological modification. LUBRADOR has rich mineral deposits waiting to be extracted and fed into an Antarus Prime Company resource converter for which workers will receive stock benefits and increased health privileges. LUBRADOR has a largely non-toxic atmosphere with a wonderfully large variety of gasses ready to be collected and converted into a billion different complex industrial chemicals and commodities. LUBRADOR is guaranteed to not cataclysmically collapse under its own mass from over-processing for at least 13 standard solar cycles, more than enough time for all Antarus Prime Company employees to get what they want and leave.
LUBRADOR! A Land of Luxury Awaits You!
*Former owners will not be a problem, although they may occasionally appear as pieces disintegrate upon re-entry. Pay them no mind as they are of insufficient mass to cause damage or harm to Antarus Prime Company property or personnel.
Executive Admiral Lursk Cuts a Deal
Executive Admiral Lursk stood fairly relaxed as he started out the central viewing port inside the contemplation lounge. He was alone in some ways, but not in others. While the contemplation lounge was empty, the planet outside the viewport was a reminder that Lursk shared this universe with other creatures. This thought was enough to make Lursk’s skin crawl and he often found himself scratching himself incessantly.
The planet itself was ripe for colonization and its resources would last at a minimum 13 standard solar cycles and at a maximum around 17, although the probability of achieving the maximum out of the planet’s resources was impossibly slim as no colony had ever managed to stretch a planet’s resources beyond 15 standard solar cycles except for the home system, which was now little more than a quaint old-timey graveyard.
These creatures were much much younger than humanity, but due to a unique ability to share near limitless amounts of information at an absurdly fast rate by touch alone this species had managed to obtain a level of technology comparable to late 20th century humanity in only 500 years of existence. This species had never had to worry about any predators throughout its relatively brief evolution, and as a result was largely unconcerned with warfare and generally very friendly. As a result of its unique sharing of information it never lacked the empathy required for complete cooperation, and its pseudo-hive society structure reflected this. Only due to the isolation of its planet had it managed to avoid contact with the space-traveling species and it was greeting the arrival Executive Admiral Lursk’s ship, the P.P.S. Stalwart with much fanfare and celebration. These creatures were comparable to slugs by human standards, although built on the same scale as people. They possessed two manipulating arms, extending from about halfway up the body, between the giant slimy tail foot they pushed around on, and the face, which was wide-eyed and in a perpetual grin. The species spoke in excited, child-like voices, a trait only exasperated by the glee of first contact although their speech was slowed by tendency to drag the R and S sounds out to the annoyance of humans and synthetics alike. They came in a variety of colors or seemed to be able to change colors, Executive Admiral Lursk was unaware of which was the case, although the Plethems, as they called themselves, didn’t seem to be particularly aware of color in any case anyways and never mentioned it as it was never mentioned to them. The species was particularly slow to breed, as its mating ritual required all members of the species to be present at one place for successful reproduction to occur. It only numbered less than a million all told and maintained one major urban center. Humanity found this face to be peculiar, intriguing and helpful all at once.
Executive Admiral Lursk took a deep breathe, counted backwards from ten, and then began to walk towards the bridge. Although this ship, like many others, could be controlled with complete efficiency by one person, one synthetic and the onboard computer it contained thousands of employees both working for and owned by the Anturus Prime Company. It was as much a traveling office building as it was a warship, mining operation, production facility and distribution warehouse. It was an omni-class and completely indistinguishable from thousands of other ships.
As Executive Admiral Lursk stepped onto the bridge, he ordered the hailing frequencies to be opened by the Chief Communications Officer, and then stood rigidly in the outgoing comm box facing the viewport with his back turned to the comm inbox. He heard it snap to life as the Plethem leader crawled into his own comm outbox down on the planet below.
“Executive Admirrral?”
“Lord Gruthas, I have a proposition you may find most lucrative.” With this, the Admiral turned around.
“What kind of Prrroposssition, Admirrral?”
“After speaking to my superiors, I have been able to secure permission to grant your people their own starship, so that you may backwards engineer it and join the space-faring peoples of the universe.”
“Thisss isss mossst generrrousss.” Admiral Lursk twitched visibly with annoyance at the butchering of what humanity considered the only language worth knowing, but the Plethem failed to notice.
“Yesss, Lorrrd Grrruthasss, it isss.” Admiral Lursk replied mockingly, although again the alien failed to notice.
“What doesss the Anturrrrusss Prrrime Company want in rrreturrrn?”
“Oh, just the rights to conduct a minor mining operation under one of your planet’s many oceans. Standard procedure for survey purposes when we find a new hospitable world.”
“The Plethemsss find thisss offerrrr to be acceptable. When may we have ourrrr ssship?”
“A series of shuttlecraft will arrive shortly, if your people will please board the ships, we will bring you all to your new ship at once.”
“Exxxcellent. We will await theirrrr arrrrrrival.”
Executive Admiral Lursk stepped from the outgoing comm box and made a note that the Plethems elongated the X sound as well. He gave an order to the ship:
“Prepare the Plethem ‘Vessssssel’ and dispatch shuttlecraft.”
The crew laughed and complied immediately with corporate efficiency.
The Plethems were delivered in their entirety to their new ship’s impressively sized hanger bay. They had entered through the gigantic magnetic field protecting the hanger from the effects of vacuum, and were now assembled facing the giant door on the far side of the hanger, looking at a comm inbox directly in front of the middle of the door. A pre-recorded Executive Admiral Lursk appeared before them.
“I invite the Plethem race to begin its exploration and conquest of space immediately. Godspeed gentlemen.” With that, the image of Lursk gave a smile, the first time the Plethems had seen a human grin, and bowed. The gargantuan doors snapped open with a hiss and the Plethems were rushed into a new era.
Executive Admiral Lursk stood at the viewport, watching as the giant box half a kilometer away opened and blew the entire Plethem species into the vacuum of space, where they exploded like ketchup bottles being hit with a sledge hammer. He smiled, felt a warm happy feeling deep inside and gave an order:
“Commence full-scale colonization efforts of the planet immediately.”
Anturus Prime Company Mission Statement
Anturus Prime Company is an enterprise dedicated to the betterment of human ideals, the human condition and pursues actively any avenue by which human goals and aspirations may be furthered. To this end, Anturus Prime Company explores the bounds of reachable space searching for new resources to be cultivated for the production of a myriad of products designed, licensed and sold exclusively for human use. Anturus Prime Company believes in a brighter future for all humans as we expand and seed colonies throughout the universe, and will continue to further all reasonable colonization efforts.
Anturus Prime Company - Godspeed to Progress!
